dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
