i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
