I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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