you win again, gameday.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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