youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
