idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
