her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
