There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
