I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
