What did we do last night that was yellow?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
