roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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