We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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