So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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