allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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