Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
