I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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