oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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