So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
