im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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