There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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