Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she told me i tasted like america
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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