Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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