so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
