I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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