you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
