how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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