I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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