I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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