hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
