none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
