ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
