Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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