she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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