OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
