Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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