Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize