Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
