this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
