im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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