u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
