matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
