I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
