omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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