God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
