Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize