Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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