My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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