The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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