Sry I called you an 8
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
