im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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