Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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