I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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