Im at strip club and am horny
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
