I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
