Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
