Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
