did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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