you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
