I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
