I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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