Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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