my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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