I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
