I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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