We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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