I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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