Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
