I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
