just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize