There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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