I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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