good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
