Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
