You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
