y did u give ur computer a hand job?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
