We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
