My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
