never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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